Dying hope
Unsettled torment binds the twisted rope
In deep silence her teardrops hide
Weakend by her dying hope
She waits for the pain to subside
The summer day brings no reprieve
Failing to heal the feelings made
In solitude she continues to grieve
Begging you for forgiveness unrepaid
Her life has become a disheveled wreck
And prickly fragments of the rope embed
Riping slightly at her tender neck
Teardrops freeze in her eyes, unshed
As she swings gently in the breeze
A longing song sung by the trees
Killed by her own forsaken hand
Destroyed by your hate filled reprimand
July 9, 2007 at 6:11 am
I read this poem again and again. It is quite beautiful. And you could not have found a better name for the poem. If you do not mind a little criticism from a humble reader, I would like to point out that there are one or two lines where the poem weakens.
and
The second line I quote harms your poem the most. Instead of the line delivering the punch, it ends up stating directly what the entire poem has so beautifully constructed.
July 9, 2007 at 7:55 am
I am not a poet, friend. This is all nonsense writing united by a few possibly rhyming words. I have no idea how to make this “beautiful” or impactful. My feelings are real though. They are the force behind the words. Your criticism is welcomed; however I do not have the slightest idea how to shape this poem into anymore than it is: senseless ramblings. I am however amazed and amused that it was good enough to receive a comment from a real poet like you. Thank you for your presence.
~Amanda
July 9, 2007 at 9:50 am
Before I say anything else, I thank you for your encouraging comment on my blog. I am also flattered to know that you consider me to be a real poet.
I firmly believe that the honesty of expression is all that matters in art. It is this honesty that makes your poem a beautiful creation.
July 10, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I feel that you have a great nack for poetry.
There is real heart behind what you write. This was great.
kim
July 10, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Well thank you guys.
It feels good to hear positive things from real writers. Thank you both.
~Amanda