Unyielding, cold, and shattered
I stare into your soul
A piece of me remains inside
broken, hurt, and battered.
The world is frozen over
Like a dawn of morning snow
Held within my hands of love
I Look to you below.
For the coldness rages within me
Like a bug drawn to the fire
Plague with pain and hurt
Langished in with my desire.
But sadly you see
It is too late
For this time I have become
Frozen
Some piece of me has been removed
With a cold uncaring blade.
Stitches used to mend the skin
Are foreign and unkindly made.
Incisions used to break the flesh
Refuse to heal posthaste.
Pieces of me broken, bloody
Thrown away as worthless waste.
The pain is sharp
Like a lover’s quarrel
A gouge beneath the flesh.
It festers inside my soul
Like an infection raging within
Torn between sorrow and hate
Plagued with torment and sin
Hidden from the light of day
I sit a spell with you.
I pray for you to hold me near
As the light of dawn breaks through.
Kisses are for lovers
As hugs are for friends.
What is it I can give to you
To wipe away my sins?
The lump inside my body
A memory of your stay
Remains with me; a piece of you
Torn from one night of joy and play.
Tell me it will be okay
My heart it begs for that.
Take away all of my pain
Unless it’s true you can’t.
Softly spoken listless dreams
Summer days draw near
Christmas is but a memory
Dying cold upon the hearth.
Wishing I could live the days
When you were close to me.
Sadly it seems you have strayed away
And have no time to stay and play.
Ornaments shatter on the cold hard stone
Winter days grow cold.
Waiting for the light of spring
I sing to God alone.
Tomorrow is yet another day
Full of sorrow and sympathy.
Lost in words of caring prayer
Seeking to heal the heart’s long tear.
I wish to take away your pain
Let it seep through the cracks like a summer rain.
I miss you my friend and always will
Deep in slumber you lay so still.
Tomorrow’s but another day
To love and live in our simple way.
Miss you A
Is it easier for you to look at me now
My hair a mess, my lipstick smeared, my tears flowing?
Can you look at me and see me
Or do you still see the other one?
The one you wish I was
The one who wanted you.
I do not want you!
Why do you not hear the screams I keep silent in my throat?
Please stop!
But you continue on to plunder me some more.
To evoke the demons inside me
That I have kept hidden since that day so many years ago
When she left me.
Abandoned on the side of the road of life.
Left to wander on my own.
Memories I had forgotten, rush upon me like a mighty river
Swarming with pain and disgust.
I disgust me.
Why do you still not hear my silent screams?
And when you are done you leave me so I can return to the side of the road.
Battered, broken, bloody, and disgraced.
Thank you Andy
They stand together, a row of familiarity, crammed into tiny bodies, bolden with bright shirts.
They stare out from underneath gigantic bags full of learning and unquenchable thirst.
I see them first as they have come before me, but as they walk I witness the transformation.
The awakening of an idea.
The complexity of thought in the eyes of one so small.
They walk upon legs so strong they could lift up the wieight of the world
And within their souls I find my own strength.
I am weak in comparision, but still somehow, he holds a piece of me within him
As he walks down the bright corridor, to adventure unknown.
He smiles back with innocence and hope, and then continues on.
To live, to learn, to hold, as only Isaiah can.
And silently, as I leave the confinements of his grasp I cry soft gentle tears.
My baby grows.
My life is but a memory
Cold upon the fire.
The embers died out long ago
Melting in with my perspire.
I wished for such a long time
To reach inside your shell.
But so deep within you I only found
The burning pits of hell.
I wish that you could understand the words you need to hear
But it seems that you are too far away
To lend me your tender ear.
Please take with you my condolences
It seems you need them now.
I only pray
That maybe someday
You can help me somehow.
~Am
I held the door open for much too long
and now all that remains is vancany.
Devoid of thought
lacking in emotion
thought and apathy.
I cried once upon a time for you
and now all my tears have been shed.
Do not expect me to mourn your passing
for it seems you have always been dead.
I smile today
for the first time in years
at the thought of your loving embrace.
Perhaps tomorrow you can hold me tight
without asking for breathing space.
A small wet spot, a crying baby, a rock hard breast.
He smells the old familiar smell and cries more vigoursly.
It is his life, he craves it more than all else.
More than me even.
And so I give in each time.
The release of the milk, warm inside my breast.
And he smiles at me with eyes aglow of love and happiness.
An altruistic relationship have we.
He releases me from my pain and torture and I from his.
How cold, harsh, decieving it must be to him that I would refuse him his bliss.
How mean I must seem to him.
But how do I explain words such as biopsy and cancer to an infant.
It tortures me so.
